But something funny happened as my milestone approached. I found myself in a major funk, and the thought of a dance party was the furthest thing from my mind.
I had always said age is a state of mind; 50 is the new 30, right? Was I suddenly feeling blue because my big birthday was imminent?
The problem many of us encounter, said Ludwig, is that we face a society that isn’t exactly celebrating being middle-age. In fact, it’s doing the exact opposite with a message that we’re “over the hill” and that our best days are behind us.
“It’s really a shame, because when midlife was first defined, it used to be called the prime of life, and somewhere along the line, it didn’t exactly mean that,” said Ludwig, 51. “Culturally, we live in a place, a society that over-idealizes youth, and even though youth is great, it maligns midlife in a very unfair and inaccurate way, and we do internalize that. Listen, we are affected by our environment.”
‘I told her my age. There was … silence’
Ludwig set out to write a book about what happens to women and men in the middle of their lives after an eye-opening moment in her 40s.
She was interviewing to be on a television show when the casting director asked how old she was. “I’m not one to ever lie about my age, because I figured I earned those years. I don’t want to dismiss them. They’re part of who I am. And when I told her my age, there was like dead silence. She couldn’t get off the phone soon enough. And after the phone call, I had a moment where I said, ‘Wow, is this it for me? You know, I don’t feel old, but do other people perceive me that way? Has my heyday come and gone?’ ”
Those questions led her to begin a journey of research. When she looked at the books that were available about being middle-age, she said, she was amazed at how depressing they were and how they were all about loss and how you negotiate loss.
“I thought, given the people that I know in midlife, this is not an accurate reflection of what I’m seeing in my private practice or in my own personal life, and fortunately, the really new research out there supported my intuition,” she said.
In her book, Ludwig touts this new research, some of which shows that today’s midlife is very different from what our parents or their parents experienced. First of all, we’re living longer than previous generations, and with that comes an increased need to live younger, said Ludwig, who began working as a psychotherapist in 1988.
Our perceptions of aging may also be more convincing than reality, according to the research.
Our brains also keep changing and growing, quite a contrast to the belief that midlife marks the beginning of our mental decline, said Ludwig.
“The latest advances in brain imaging have shown that the brain grows new cells throughout our lives in a process called ‘neurogenesis,’ ” she said in her book. “We now know we can continue to learn new things, improve thinking and mood, create new memories, and retain cognition well into old age.”
Hearing what Ludwig has to say certainly makes me feel better about entering this next chapter of my life. So too does hearing about the impact your attitudes about aging can have on your overall mental health.
What’s next? Using creativity to figure it out
As Ludwig said, when we enter our midlife, we do stop and think about where we’ve been and where we’re going. And if you are unsure of where you want go from here, Ludwig recommends using creativity to figure it out.
“I give a recommendation in my book where I say, ‘Create your own art project and see what you’re drawn to,’ ” she said. “And look around: Is there somebody you feel a little bit envious of? Maybe that can also be indicative of what you want next for yourself, so be aware of what you’re drawn to and creatively give your time to explore.”
If you dreamed of becoming a Broadway star but can’t sing, you might not want to quit your day job, but you can still find a way to incorporate new things into your life and see how they feel, she says. Take a class. Explore your daydreams. Give yourself time and space to consider new paths.
“You could take an acting class and basically use this as a time to explore and say, ‘I’m going to explore and say yes to life and see where that leads to,’ ” said Ludwig. “You can say yes and at the same time set boundaries and turn to your friends. Rely on the people and the connections that you’ve made to help you with this next phase of life.”
OK, friends and family, consider yourself warned: You’ll be hearing a lot from me in the months ahead. In the meantime, I think I need to sign up for that dance class I’ve been thinking about for a while.
Could the Broadway stage be next?